Cloud of Sadness

I feel a heavy sadness over me today.  I’m sure it doesn’t help that I have been up since 3:30 a.m. (as a lack of sleep tends to play with your emotions).  But thoughts of my son wouldn’t let me rest.

It is just over a week before he leaves.  Since learning of his leave date not that long ago, it seems the days have been quickly turning from one into another.  I hardly get a chance to enjoy one day and the next one quickly comes along.

Suddenly time seems so cruel.

Today we had a little get together at a friend’s house, with family.  It was a chance to be together, to spend time with my son before he leaves.  But there was a cloud of sadness that hovered above us.

It is hard to say goodbye.  I know that some would say it’s not really saying goodbye, that its saying see you later. 

But to me it has a sense of permanency in the fact that I know the boy who stands me before now will not be the same when I see him after basic training.  I anticipate he will have a lot more confidence and he will have grown up a whole lot.

Almost as painful as it is sending him off, it stings just as much to see others hurting…family and friends who care about him.  They cry, I cry.  They hurt, I hurt.  Because I know their pain, perhaps a little deeper being his mom—but I definitely know their pain.

What scares me is facing next week.  If it hurts this much now, how in the world will I make it once he is actually gone?

I once heard that it’s a fallacy, that time heals all wounds.  Time isn’t the comfort I need.  It certainly won’t make things better.

It is my faith in God and the support of family and friends that will help.  And it’s also knowing that as painful as this, it is the right plan for my son’s life.    

(Photo above from stock.xchng)